3 posts tagged “sadness”

Whenever I speak to my mom, it's generally a mixed bag. Sometimes it's quiet, sometimes not. Sometimes there's laughter, sometimes someone gets angry...and occasionally, there's bad news.

Last Friday, I was informed that a preschool classmate of mine passed away, unexpectedly. To add an extra kick in the testes, she was pregnant and they were to induce labor the very next day; the twins were stillborn.

Is this really what growing up is really about? Over the last few years, I've lost two nephews, one of which I couldn't begin to describe our relationship; brotherhood comes close, but doesn't quite nail it, my mother's two best friends, who were like aunts to me...actually, I referred to one as such and two blood-related aunts, one of which is what I think of when I think "Aunt". This is not what I had in mind as far as growing up is concerned (yes, I realize death is a part of life).

The hardest part of losing Sparkle (I will not code name her; this is what we called her, she still goes by Sparkle, she will forever be known as Sparkle...actually, I'd forgotten her real name until yesterday...) is that we were the good ones. Not just me and her; Shannon, "my BFF" Chris, Courtney, Arenda, Sophie...the list could go on. We all started preschool together, we all thought we'd grow up together (and we did, for the most part), we were the intelligent ones. Sparkle is the second person from our p/s class to pass away...and not from being a product of her environment.

Chris still lives across the street from my mom; my mom and three other parents occasionally get together --went to high school with one of the girls from our "group"...just three weeks ago I explained the relationships of most of our class to Overboard with my mom noting that she and and Sparkles mom recently saw each other...

I don't think really "checked in" from an emotional standpoint until a few minutes ago. Maybe my nieces are right; the good do die young.

In any case, Rest In Peace Sparkle.
Chris

Every morning, I come into work, I check my email and read my hometown newspaper (and occasionally the local news sites as well) just to keep up with what's going on. This morning, I got a bit of a shock...a familiar face, murdered in his home.

Now, me and this person were never actually friends. We went to elementary school together, he was a two years older. Our mothers worked together in the school cafeteria as breakfast aides. Truely sad. He used to pick on me a lot (shocker there, everyone...I mean EVERYONE used to pick on me back then). I remember having the biggest crush on his sister (although, I think she's 5-6 years older than me). I watched the video on the website, and I was even more shocked to see that this crime took place a mere two streets over from where my mother lives.

The street that this crime occurred on used to be the start of a huge gang territory "back in the day". As a matter of fact, I was never allowed past Williamson Ave, which is one street before, for any reason...actually, the only reason I was allowed *on* Williamson is because it's the most direct route for me to get to school and work and the freeway lets out onto it coming from my sister's house. Go up another block from where the crime happened and you were risking your life if you didn't have friends up there. By the time I made it to junior high, I dared not...I had too many enemies (I can't help it the dumb don't like the smart...and that's really the biggest reason not many people liked me in junior high, the other was that my nephew was in a rival gang and everyone knew it...and the knew me).

I hate seeing my hometown in such a sorry state. Little ole Youngstown, Ohio made the 2006 Most Dangerous Cities list...at number 9...Compton was 4th, yes 4th! In the past year:
 -- A man was gunned down in the stands of a little league football game..during the game...in front of the
   cheerleaders...of the pee-wee team (4-6 yrs old)!!
 -- 4 people were found dead in a home. They believe it retaliation from...
 -- A man (well, he was barely in his 20's) was ambushed in his pickup while driving down the street
 --  A man, who was home visiting (and didn't come home often bc of the risk) was killed while visiting a friend.       Someone had busted into the home and killed him and the guy he was there with.

Then again, what do you expect from a town where the former mayor never let his children start his car...he figured if anyone was going to take a car bomb, it should be its intended target. Youngstown was the center of a lot of mafia activity in the past. It's the midway point to a lot of place (Cleveland--> Pittsburgh, NYC --> Chicago, Cleveland -->Akron, Akron --> Pittsburgh), therefore it was an ideal place for this sort of thing. Years of corrupt city officials (the sherriff was even corrupt when I was growning up. Everyone thought he was great because he kept raiding drug houses instead of letting the city cops do it...put 2 and 2 together) has left the town I call home dismal and spiralling out of control, and it saddens me. I fear for the lives of the loved ones that still reside there. It's absolutely sad what that town has turned into. Yet, I digress...

To see a woman who was generally a nice woman grieving on television for her son was sad...she acknowledged that her son had his troubles, but certainly did not deserve what happened to him. I kinda flashed back to when we were in school and she'd get onto him about things...

R.I.P. Antonio Vega.

C

Hey kid,

What's good. It's been awhile, I know, but I think about you a lot. It's really hard to believe it's been a year but time flies I guess. I still don't believe it sometimes, I guess part of me is still holding on. I forget sometimes and pull your number up to call and then I remember again. How are things up there? Do you see Dad or Aunt Retha? Ms. Charlene joined you guys too, keep an eye out.

I talked to Cat today, she sounded good; I'm glad. I was a little sad last night and this morning. Just the thought of getting a knock at 4 am scared me out of sleep for a little bit, but I was so tired I eventually fell asleep...lol. Last time I spoke to Briana, she sounded like a grown woman; yea, I know, I'm going to the range next week, lol. Tyreek didn't quite know who I was, but understandable I guess. Ma sent me pics of her and Peanut; she's getting so big and just like Briana, she looks just like you. William is doing well. He's doing what he's supposed to so...

Ronni, Mike and the kids are doing well too. I haven't seen Mike and the kids all year though; I should be going over there tomorrow to see them. I test for my black belt in two weeks, looking forward to that. I want to go home sometime this spring or summer, but we'll see. I want to come visit, but well, you know how that goes...I'll be there --come hell or high water-- I be selfish like that, I'm looking forward to it.

Why I'm telling you all this, I don't quite know, you can see it all so...hehe.

I guess you also know that I haven't talked to Denise (but then again, I haven't talked to Tomeka or Diana either...lol) since your wake; I want to but I think the anger keeps from it. I will, I know I will, I have to; I made you a promise and I will keep it.

I was talking to Lisa probably once a week for a little while there, I don't know what happened though. Most weeks, I talk to Tanika once or twice. Really, I don't think there is anything else to tell; you can see what's going on with Lindsay and I ( ) so, well... like I said .

I miss you more than you (or anyone else) knows, see you soon.
R.I.P.
Love Chris